HOLY BOND OF MARRIAGE
Holy Spouses Ministry
Rejecting Contraception and Abortion: the Contemporary Attack on Love and Life
Love and Life
In Christ we know that God is love: a Trinitarian communion who shares his life through creation, especially in humanity made in his image. From the beginning, God established marriage between man and woman as a union of total self-giving, ordered to both love and the gift of life. Though sin introduced division into this communion, the natural bond of marriage endures. In Christ it is redeemed and elevated to a sacrament, a sign of the covenant love between Christ and his Church.
Today, however, there is an increasing effort to separate love from life. When openness to life is excluded from the union of man and woman, self-giving is no longer total, and both love and human dignity are diminished. This division contributes to a broader devaluation of life itself, seen in the acceptance of abortion, euthanasia, and technologies that separate procreation from the intimate communion of married love.
In the face of these challenges, there is a renewed need to rediscover God’s plan for the inseparability of love and life.
St. Joseph Marello’s life as a priest—and his brief time as bishop of Acqui—offers a model of pastoral service in this mission. Known for his availability as a confessor and spiritual guide, and for his commitment to sound catechesis, Marello served as a true spiritual father to his people.
As Oblates, we strive to bring these same qualities to our ministry: to be available in confession and spiritual guidance, to form our people through catechesis, and above all to care for them spiritually. Following Marello’s example, we seek to give of ourselves in service to those entrusted to our care, assisting them on their path to holiness.
Join the Holy Spouses Society of the Oblates of St. Joseph
Members of the Holy Spouses Society take Mary and Joseph as patrons and models for their marriage. All who do so are brought together in a spiritual society to which couples may make a personal commitment. This commitment consists of the following eight points:
Celebrate the Feast of the Holy Spouses, Joseph and Mary, on January 23 each year by attending Mass together as a couple.
Pray some part of the Holy Spouses Rosary together weekly.
Have a Holy Spouses Picture enthroned in your home.
Live your marriage as a call from God.
Respect children as the greatest fruit of marriage.
Uphold the Church’s teaching on the two inseparable ends of marriage: union in love and openness to procreation.
Attend together a Life-Giving Love Workshop once in life.
Avoid the use of artificial contraceptives.
Celebrating the Holy Spouses feast, praying the Holy Spouses rosary, honoring the Holy Spouses picture, and participating in the Life-Giving Love workshop are vehicles for living the other four points, which are the simple obligations of every married couple: to live marriage as a vocation, actively to uphold its two-fold purpose, to value children and of course to avoid contraception.
There is a brief enrollment ceremony for those couples prepared and willing to make this commitment. The enrollment may take place in a service of the Word, on the Feast of the Holy Spouses, or at the end of the Wedding Mass.
While there have been feasts of Mary and Joseph as individual saints, and more recently also a feast of the Holy Family, no feast honoring their marriage has entered into the universal liturgical calendar of the Church.
At least as early as 1413 Jean Gerson had proposed the Feast of the Betrothal. It was introduced into the missal for the cathedral of Chartres in 1482 and by the Franciscans and Servites in 1537 and thereafter by many other particular liturgical calendars. Saint Joseph Marello (canonized on November 25, 2001) also introduced it into the congregation he founded, the Oblates of St. Joseph. The feast had become so widespread that it was included in the universal Roman Missal under the section pro aliquibus locis, when in 1961 the revision of the universal liturgical calendar suppressed such particular feasts, requiring their reintroduction by groups wishing to preserve them.
In 1989 the feast of The Holy Spouses, Mary and Joseph, was reintroduced into the proper calendar of the Oblates of St. Joseph, with its proper texts for Mass and for the Liturgy of the Hours. (In 1991 Fr. Juan Antonio Morán, M.J., in El Salvador also prepared a Mass text for private use for November 26, when married couples were also invited to renew their vows.)
The approved texts for the Oblate version of the Mass are as follows:
Entrance Antiphon: Hail Mary, Mother of God, united by a sacred bond to Joseph, faithful guardian of your virginal motherhood.
Opening Prayer: Holy Father, you joined together by a virginal bond the glorious Mother of your Son and the just man, Saint Joseph, that they might be faithful cooperators in the mystery of the Word Incarnate. Grant that we who are united with you by the bond of baptism may live more intimately our union with Christ and may walk more joyfully in the way of love. We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ….
Readings: Isaiah 61:9-11; Galatians 4:4-7; Luke 2:41-52.
Prayer over the Gifts: Lord, look graciously upon the gifts which we present at your altar on the Feast of the Holy Spouses, Mary and Joseph, and enkindle in us the spirit of your love. We ask this….
Preface: Father, all-powerful and ever-living God, we do well always and everywhere to give you thanks through Jesus Christ our Lord. You give the Church the joy of celebrating the feast of the Holy Spouses, Mary and Joseph: in her, full of grace and worthy Mother of your Son, you signify the beginning of the Church, resplendently beautiful bride of Christ; you chose him, the wise and faithful servant, as Husband of the Virgin Mother of God, and made him head of your family to guard as a father your only Son, conceived by the work of the Holy Spirit, Jesus Christ, our Lord. For this gift of your kindness, we join….
Communion Antiphon: Joseph, son of David, have no fear about taking Mary as your wife. It is by the Holy Spirit that she has conceived this child.
Prayer after Communion: Lord, by your holy gifts you have filled us with joy. By venerating the Blessed Virgin Mary and Saint Joseph, her spouse, may we be strengthened in your love and live in continual thanksgiving. We ask this….
While the feast is celebrated on January 23 in all Oblate houses for all the faithful, the recent emphasis in the Holy Spouses Province of the Oblates of St. Joseph has been to extend a particular invitation to married and engaged couples. They are invited to look to Mary and Joseph as patrons and intercessors for their marriage, and to take them as the model husband and wife to strive to imitate in loving one another selflessly as spouses. Mary and Joseph may be shown to exemplify the two inseparable ends of marriage, love and life, and to refute the mentality of contraception and divorce.
The Holy Spouses Image may be displayed and decorated during the Mass, special petitions offered, and special blessings given. Couples may be invited to renew their marriage vows or to make the commitment to the Holy Spouses Society described below, if they have been properly prepared. The Holy Spouses Rosary may be prayed before or after the Liturgy. The feast is a particular occasion each year to honor and uphold the Christian sacrament of marriage, in light of that most exemplary marriage of the two persons closest to Christ.
During the annual retreat of the California Oblates in June of 1991, a “Holy Spouses Rosary” was developed, to extend the traditional Marian devotion to include St. Joseph. This rosary was approved by the provincial for use by the Oblates and for promotion among the faithful to whom they minister. Prayed in much the same manner as the Marian rosary, this devotion substitutes the “Hail Mary” with an analogous prayer that includes St. Joseph and asks for their common intercession as spouses. Ten mysteries expand upon the normal five joyful mysteries.
Prayer “Mary, full of grace, and Joseph, son of David”
The prayer used in place of the “Hail Mary” is:
Mary, full of grace, and Joseph, son of David; honor to you, Mother of God, and to you, guardian of the Redeemer. Eternal praise to the child with whom you formed a family, Jesus. Holy spouses, pray for us sinners, our families and communities, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
The title the angel uses to address Mary, “full of grace,” is complemented by that he uses to address Joseph, “son of David.” Similarly the Church’s time-honored title for her, “Mother of God,” is complemented by the Church’s most recent choice of title for him, “guardian of the Redeemer.” While Mary and Joseph are honored, the child Jesus is eternally praised; he is the center of their family, and his name remains at the very center of this prayer, as it should for every prayer. Mary and Joseph are invoked together as “Holy Spouses” and their prayers are sought not simply for ourselves as individuals, but also as families and communities.
Ten Mysteries
The ten mysteries to be reflected upon are:
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Betrothal of Mary and Joseph (Mt 1:18, Lk 1:26-27, 2:4-5).
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Annunciation to Mary (Lk 1:28-38).
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Annunciation to Joseph (Mt 1:19-25).
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The Visitation (Lk 1:39-56).
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Birth of Jesus (Lk 2:6,15-16).
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Circumcision and Naming of Jesus (Lk 2:21).
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Presentation of Jesus (Lk 2:22-40).
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Escape into Egypt (Mt 2:13-15).
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Finding of Jesus in the Temple (Lk 2:41-50).
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Hidden Life at Nazareth (Lk 2:51-52).
The traditional joyful mysteries are found among the ten Mysteries of the Incarnation and Hidden Life. They lead to consideration of Mary not simply as an individual but as a wife in union with her husband, Joseph. Additional mysteries include the first stage of the marriage, the betrothal; the intervening annunciation to Joseph after the one to Mary; and the second stage of the marriage, the husband taking his wife into his home. At the circumcision Mary and Joseph give the child the faith name Jesus, “Yahweh saves,” given to each of them by the angel. The escape into Egypt and the years of hidden life at Nazareth are also mysteries for which Redemptoris Custos provides rich material for reflection.
The devotion proves fruitful for the faithful at large, but is of particular inspiration to married couples, who are encouraged to pray it together in their homes, and to engaged couples, who are invited to pray it in preparation for their marriage. In at least one parish, a group of couples gathers regularly to pray the Holy Spouses Rosary together and support one another in trying to live holy marriages.
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Apart from representations of the actual betrothal or the journey to Bethlehem or images of the Holy Family, rarely do we see Mary and Joseph portrayed as husband and wife in a loving relationship. Such visualization is helpful and even necessary to aid the imagination of couples wishing to pattern their marriages after that of the Holy Spouses. Fr. Franco Verri, C.S.J. has painted a suitable image, “The Holy Spouses, Mary and Joseph,” in his series for the St. Joseph Shrine at the mother-house of the Oblates of St. Joseph in Asti, Italy. His painting shows Mary and Joseph hand in hand with peaceful smiles indicating the purity and joy in their hearts.
The California Oblates have adopted this picture as the official emblem for their Holy Spouses ministry. It serves well for holy cards, with the Holy Spouses Rosary printed on the reverse. Couples are encouraged to hang larger framed versions of it in their homes as a reminder of their commitment to live their married vocation. For those couples wishing to enroll in the Holy Spouses Society described below, there is a special enthronement rite to be done in the home.
The rite begins with a hymn to Mary and Joseph, a greeting, and the following introduction:
My dear brothers and sisters, we are here this day in the house of N. and N. to enthrone this picture of Mary and Joseph, the Holy Spouses. N. and N. have taken them as the models and patrons of their marriage commitment by entering the Holy Spouses Society. As members of that society, they strive to live their marriage according to the teachings of Jesus and his Church, especially by living it as a vocation of love and a sacrament of unity in the midst of the world. In this way they witness to the love and unity that God has for and wishes for his Church and the whole world. N. and N. know that living their marriage in this way can be difficult. They have asked Mary and Joseph to be their inspiration and to intercede for them so that they can always remain faithful to God and each other by remaining faithful to their commitment, as did Mary and Joseph, the Holy Spouses.
A first reading and psalm response are chosen from the selection for the marriage rite and Luke 2:41-52 is read for the gospel. After a brief homily, the following prayer of blessing is said:
Almighty and everlasting God, you are the source of all life and love. You call us all to participate in that love by loving one another, according to our own particular vocation. You have called N. and N. to love one another in the vocation and sacrament of marriage. They have taken Mary and Joseph, the Holy Spouses, as models and guides in their marriage. We ask you to bless + this picture of these same Holy Spouses, Mary and Joseph, that it might serve as a reminder and inspiration for N. and N. and their family, of the great love that you have for them, of the powerful intercession and example of Mary and Joseph, and of the need that our world has of examples of those who make true and lasting commitments of love. We ask this…
The image is then sprinkled with holy water, as are those present, and it is hung in the place where it is to stay on the wall. All kneel before the image and pray some part of the Holy Spouses Rosary. A final prayer of blessings ends the rite. The image remains as a reminder of the enthronement and a call to seek the intercession of the Holy Spouses and to strive to imitate their love for each other.
The contraceptive mentality in so prevalent and so deeply rooted in current society that it is presupposed by a majority of what is communicated in the mass media, in social services, in education, in politics and in the medical profession. While it is somewhat known that the Catholic Church does not approve of artificial contraception, very few know or understand the reasons for this. A majority of Catholics have been lead to ignore, distort or dismiss Church teaching under the slogan of “follow your conscience.” Even those who attempt to teach Natural Family Planning in faithfulness to the Church often find themselves lonely or unsupported. The world pressures them to give up and buy into the contraceptive mentality that Natural Family Planning simply is not a viable option because it requires sacrifice and openness to life.
To a culture accustomed to quick sound bites and facile yet uncompromising expressions of opinion, it is not easy to find a manner of communicating the real significance of sexuality and the inseparability of life and love. Homilies, marriage preparation, religious education programs, and individual counseling can all be vehicles for this teaching, but they are not sufficient and are seldom supported by materials and curricula that treat this theme in any depth. For this reason it was decided in 1985 to develop a two day workshop called in Spanish La Familia Natural Vive Mejor and later given the English title Life-Giving Love.
Description
Life-Giving Love is a Catholic workshop on sexuality and natural and responsible parenthood. It is presented all day Saturday and Sunday by Catholic couples and a priest, and is offered to married and engaged couples as well as interested individuals. The 1981 Apostolic Exhortation on the Family, Familiaris Consortio, and The Catechism of the Catholic Church are the basic doctrinal sources used by the presenting team. After the majority of the eleven talks, the participants discuss the concepts in small groups and present a resume of their discussions to the whole group. After three of the more personal talks, however, instead of group discussion the married or engaged couples present are led to dialogue between the two of them about their own manner of living out God’s plan in the intimacy of their marriage.
The first three talks present the basic catechetical principles of the human vocation to love in God’s image, either through marriage or virginity; the sacramental marriage covenant with its two essential and inseparable ends of union in love and openness to procreation; and the family’s call to be a communion of persons, a domestic church, in which children are valued and educated with love and responsibility. Talk four then exposes and summarizes the world’s trends that directly attack this plan of God.
In talks five and six, the presenting couples share more deeply their personal experience that verifies the Church’s teaching with respect to sexuality being a total self-giving, to abstinence being another expression of love, and to co-responsibility regarding the decision to have children.
The seventh talk conveys the Church’s teaching about responsible parenthood, the formation of conscience, sufficient and insufficient reasons for seeking to postpone another pregnancy, and moral and immoral means for doing so. Talk eight then shows how artificial contraception damages physical and emotional health, the relationship of the couple, the children, society, one’s soul, and the Church itself. In a parallel manner, through personal sharing and witness, the ninth talk presents the advantages of natural methods and abstinence at each of these same levels.
The tenth talk gives a very basic introduction to natural methods of family planning and offers information on available classes. The final talk is on the mission of family, and it issues a challenge to build a new world of faith and love by living our vocations.
The spiritual context of the workshop includes prayer and song, Mass together and an opportunity for confession. The dialogue questions for the couples challenge them to live in greater intimacy and to make moral and generous decisions regarding openness to life.
Patronage of the Holy Spouses
The Holy Spouses, Mary and Joseph, are the patrons and models for the Life-Giving Love workshop. The Holy Spouses image described above usually hangs over the presenting table. In the first talk it is explained that they are our patrons because their virginal love nurtured Jesus Christ, the greatest of all children. In talk five their virginity is presented as an expression of total self-giving. Their love as husband and wife is deeper than that of any other couple, so that they were chosen to form the home of love suitable for nurturing Jesus. In all this they are proof that at least in certain circumstances abstinence is meant to be an expression of love between husband and wife.
Participants in the workshop are introduced to the Holy Spouses Rosary. They pray it in community at the end of both days and are given a prayer card of it to take home with the encouragement to pray it together. The final talk invites all couples present to make a commitment to enroll in the Holy Spouses Society.